


I Can’t Lose You Again

by tonystarksass



Series: Pepperony Week 2014 [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Confessions, F/M, Iron Man 2, Missing Scene, Pepperony Week, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1818703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarksass/pseuds/tonystarksass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Tony <i>had</i> told Pepper he was dying?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can’t Lose You Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gloamings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloamings/gifts).



> Day 6 (Theme: AU) of Pepperony Week!
> 
> Inspired by [this](http://pepperonydaily.tumblr.com/post/85700625934/rbdowneyjr-mr-stark-is-everything-ok) tumblr post.

Tony was dying. Rather ironically, if he was being honest. His body was rapidly being poisoned by the one thing that was designed to keep him alive.

The palladium was traveling through his body faster than he could find a suitable replacement. It was all happening much too quickly, he couldn’t keep it under control.

In the last week, alone, the poisonous concentration had skyrocketed to a record-shattering ninety percent. 

At that rate, he’d be dead within the next couple of days. What a way to go. Obadiah's efforts were going to kill him in the end, after all.

This goddamn birthday party would be his last big hurrah, even if he’d rather be in Venice with Pepper. Alone, preferably. 

He really didn't want to get plastered and make a fool of himself here, in front of her. But, what choice did he have?

God, he was going to miss her. More than anyone, really. 

Tony had mastered the art of masking his face and pretending everything was okay, especially in front of Pepper. 

Granted, he had _tried_ informing her of his impending doom a couple of times, all with varying technics, but he just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t make it real for her. Hell, it wasn't real for him, yet. Or he didn't want it to be, rather.

He couldn’t tell her he was in love with her and then be gone the next day. It wasn’t fair. At all. For any of the parties involved. 

Tony glanced down at the sickly colored veins scattered across his chest, a grim reminder of his rapidly approaching demise. 

He could hear the party bumping downstairs. Everyone was completely oblivious to the torment going on upstairs, between the mirror and his conscious. 

Tony sighed, already convinced he wasn’t nearly drunk enough. He needed something, _anything_ to make him forget. Just for one last night. He deserved that, at least.

Too caught up in his booming thoughts, Tony didn’t hear the familiar click of heels approaching his room until he glanced over and saw Pepper standing in the doorway. 

He quickly buttoned up his shirt and cleared his throat. The monitors that displayed the palladium concentration flickered away. 

“Pepper?” Tony said quietly, turning to face her. How much had she seen? Hopefully, not enough. But she was smart. If anyone could put the pieces together, it was her. He was surprised she hadn't yet.

“Mr. Stark, is everything okay?” Pepper asked softly, taking a hesitant step toward him. 

Tony sighed. After all these years of loyally staying up his side, she deserved to know what was happening to him. To prepare for the heartache that followed. The paperwork, too. He didn't envy her in that regard.

“There’s, uh—there’s something I need to tell you, Ms. Potts,” Tony murmured, tearing his eyes from her. Just looking at her for too long shattered his heart.

Pepper furrowed her eyebrows, tentatively following Tony as he walked over toward the couch. Her eyes clicked familiarly. He smiled sadly.

A million different thoughts ran through Pepper's mind. _Something_ could translate into many, many things in Tony speak.

He was firing her, he'd spent his entire fortune on an island (or on something even more unpractical), he was seducing her, his alcohol problems were back, his drug problems were back, he had an illegitimate child, or children, he was in love with Natalie Rushman. The mental list went on and on.

Tony patted the cushion beside him and she sat down, pushing her distraught thoughts away as she crossed her legs.

“You look gorgeous,” Tony said faintly, barely audibly. He flashed her a small smile and ran a hand over his face, scratching at his goatee.

Pepper blushed. “Thank you, Tony," she paused, watching him. "Now what’s this about? Are you okay?” 

Oh man, was _that_ a loaded question. 

Tony sighed. He looked over at Pepper with those big, brown eyes of his. She'd learned to ignore their affect, but she still admired them. They were such an uncharacteristically adorable feature.

However, sitting this close to him, Pepper noticed something. He looked tired. _Really_ tired. His eyes were bloodshot, the bags under them heavy and dark. 

_What_ was going on? 

“You’ve been so good to me, Pep,” Tony started, his voice shaky. “I don’t deserve you.” 

Pepper stayed quiet, her heart sinking as she listened to Tony. His occasional spouts of affection were appreciated, but this seemed—different. It was extremely unnerving.

“Uh, my reactor uses palladium in its core—to run, you know that," Tony paused, "but it—it, uh, there’s been some—persistent complications." 

“Complications?” Pepper repeated, gazing intently at Tony when he nodded. "Okay, so, what does that mean?" 

Was it better to be blunt than beat around the bush in these situations? Tony didn't know. There weren't many self-help books on the subject of informing your best friend you were dying of palladium poisoning.

“It’s poisoning me and I—I’m,“ Tony stopped. "Ha, I should probably get that stutter looked at, huh?" 

Pepper blinked. 

Tony sighed, looking away as he prepared to drop the bombshell. He took a deep breath and looked back at her, eye to eye. “I’m dying, Pepper.” 

The shock and unpreparedness, really, of those three little words made Pepper numb. With wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, Pepper gave a heartless laugh.

“You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking, Tony.” 

Tony slowly shook his head, reaching for her. “I’m so sorry, Pep.” 

Pepper pulled away. Tony's heart broke a little (a lot). “Jarvis, is he joking?” 

“I’m afraid not, Ms. Potts," the AI responded smoothly. "The palladium is quickly invading Mr. Stark’s body. No element currently known to man has been a suitable replacement. My records show that, with the increased rate of poisonous concentration, Mr. Stark has a maximum of three days.” 

“You can’t invent something to stop it?” Pepper questioned, tears burning her eyes. This wasn’t happening, Tony didn't come back from the dead just to be killed by something like this. 

Suddenly, everything dawned on her. The road rash on his neck that he claimed was "road rash," the sudden interest in makeup re: coverup, constantly asking her what charities she thought were best, giving away his possessions, the sudden impulse to make a will. He'd known he was dying. Longer than she initially thought. Pepper felt like she was going to be sick. 

_Why_ hadn't she seen it? 

Tony shook his head and stood, “Pep, I—“ 

“Build something!” Pepper shouted, standing up directly in front of him. Gesturing madly around the room, like something was going to miraculously appear and save him.

Okay, she was mad. He expected this. Anger, sadness, regret, the works. 

“Do something, anything! You’re a damn genius, Tony! Do _something_!" Pepper yelled, tears cascading down her cheeks. Yeah, that was going to make him cry.

Tony stood, offering her his arms. For comfort. Pepper pushed him back, weakly hitting his chest before he fully enveloped her in his arms.

She was shaking as he held her, tears streaming down both their faces. His falling into her hair and hers falling onto his neck. 

In the back of Pepper's mind, she _knew_ she was breaking that unspoken, tender professional barrier she’d worked so hard to uphold over the years, but it was immediately overturned by the fact that this may be the last time she’d have the opportunity to hug him. Ever. 

“I can’t lose you again, Tony,” she sniffed, wrapping her arms tightly around his middle. She hated crying, damn it. 

“I know, Pep. I know,” Tony murmured, burying his face in Pepper’s hair as he stroked the back of her head.

“Promise me you won’t give up,” Pepper pleaded, pulling back to look at him. They were the same height in these heels. "Promise me, Tony." 

Tony flashed her a weak smile. Pepper's perseverance was something else, extraordinary even. It was one of the things that kept him going through the years. Along with just her, in general.

“I promise.” 


End file.
